8 Dating Tips to Get Back Out There and Mingle as a 40 Plus Club Member
Story Time
About a year after leaving a long-term relationship, I went on a date with a man who, well, wasn’t the ideal specimen for lack of better terms. It was the first date in a very long time, and I will admit, I let my lonely energy take over. I was living in my car at the time, trying to gain footing with funds and I wanted to experience some sort of "normalcy". Ha! What the fuck is that anymore?
Anyway, his energy mimicked the men I've dealt with from the past; rigid, manipulative, demanding, and not fully in tune with themselves. Or was I misjudging?
I went on the date anyway in hopes something would change my already made-up mind and the vat of energy that was hitting me like a 5-pound weight to the face. He was late to the date, but okay I get shit happens so I gave that a pass. However, definitely noted. He didn't have much to talk about or dive into and coming from someone who hates small talk and can go into wormholes for days, that was a hard, No!
Moving on, something within me said, "You might be paying for yourself my dear, so bring funds". Now granted, I know "going Dutch" is one of the trending attributes in dating nowadays but I will admit I still have some old-school traditions that resonate with my heart. But another written dive for another day.
Of course, as intuitively called, we ended up paying for our own meals. But that was not the nail in the coffin. He didn't want to do karaoke! Now hang on readers, before you start attacking and dissecting my statement keep reading.
It wasn't that he didn't want to do karaoke it was that he tried to shame me for suggesting it! He went on a whole rant that "it's a white person's thing" followed by "he wasn't trying to look like a fool". Ah, so there it was! It wasn't about me but his ego! Okie doke! The date was null and void at that point and I was ready to go! He suggested going on swings and walking around the area but all I wanted to do was get in my vehicle and sleep the night off.
8 Dating Tips to Get Back Out There!
Even though that date wasn't ideal and it has up until now shut me down from even trying, when I look back I see where I went wrong and of course where he did as well. However, I'm in a different headspace now and have a few new approaches.
Dating is just a feeler game and one that helps us decipher the non-karaoke singers from the baritones. Did I just compare men to vocal octaves? Fuck it, we're going with it!
Anyway, it's a way to further gauge what's for us and what's not while also maintaining a level of balance and openness. The trick is to approach it with reason, fortitude, and fun! So here are 8 ways I plan to go about dating moving forward.
Engage- Unless we talk to folk and mingle, how do we expect to attract a partner? Getting out there and mingling will not only become easier as we go but we will better understand what we are attracted to and what we are not.
Self-Maintenance- Upkeep and appearance play a role not only in eye appeal but also in helping boost personal confidence. Keeping up with our external doesn’t necessarily mean we have to be decked out to the T but basic things like lipgloss, maintained hair, and neat clothing are a factor. Self-maintenance also revolves around cleanliness: how we smell, fresh breath, and no clothing stains.
Flirting - Yes, you read that correctly. Adding a little spice to show interest is okay as long as you keep it tasteful and captivating. This draws one in as a form of delightful intrigue.
Taking Initiative - Put on your bravery boots and steer the intention a bit. F it, ask them out! Especially for us women, we don’t always have to wait for a man to take the lead on this. Being direct is not a bad thing but discretion is advised.
Don’t Get Discouraged — You’re navigating a wide terrain and there are a lot of personalities and energies. Pace yourself but understand that a partnership of the right caliber takes time to find. Try not to get discouraged during this seek-and-find experience.
Don’t Judge a Book by its Cover- I know it can be hard not to simply write someone off based on their appearance or the first interaction but, I highly suggest reflecting a bit and going from there. Sometimes it might be as simple as asking questions for clarity as misunderstandings do occur. It’s also about being open for a second before immediately casting judgment. This is not saying settle or tolerate BS but recognizing that we all have shortcomings that we might not be aware of. Talk it out and flow forward.
Ask the Right Questions- Asking the right questions is beneficial when interacting with new people. This helps us to get clarity, insight, and a better gauge of whether someone is worth pursuing or leaving them where they are. Questions also lead to deepened and enriching conversations which is a win-win in my book!
Have Fun- Think of it as a fun game of card matching and enjoy the moments in between. Mingling doesn’t have to be so rigid and dead set on finding a mate at that moment. Sometimes it’s about the joy of the experience. Let your hair down and unbutton that collar. Of course, stay safe but let the energies flow until the right person comes along and adds more beauty to your already wonderful life.
Remember, it’s you navigating a sea of many and all you can do is keep swimming until you find the right individual to go on epic swim trips with. Utilize that inner compass, have fun, and get out there hot stuff because you’re worth it!
Until next time readers!
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