*Please be advised this topic revolves around mental health. ⚠️
This week started out pretty well. I was able to accomplish some goals, got my favorite drink at Starbees (Starbucks), and enjoyed the beautiful Florida sun. A day that felt like another version of time, a glimpse of my future life that I swore was so real. *deep sigh
As reality set in on Tuesday and the clouds of impending doom began to intensify and cascade over me, I realized it was beginning to look a lot like "not again". That heavy weight of doubt, factors of my every day, and the question of "when"? When will life look like how I envision it?
Depression has such a weird way of taking up space and while some may say "Shift your mind and all will be well", sometimes it's not that easy. It's also not as simple as "going to therapy". Thought I would throw that in as I know that's the next go-to.
Yes, therapy from personal experience is very helpful but not an instant cure. The caverns of the mind extend far beyond comprehension at times, and if I have to be frank, sometimes the only person that can maneuver through it is its live-in tour guide aka me!
This isn't my first rodeo dealing with the disruptive parts of my mind and while I know how to ride the waves, sometimes you simply don't feel like surfing. Sometimes you want a longer period when everything feels good and visually reflected. You wish that your mind stayed in the area of bliss and stop making pit stops in the land of worry, emotional turmoil, doubt, and fear. Sometimes you just want to be like the many around you who seemingly have it all together, can let the mind flow easily, and be able to go about their day as if the dark caverns of mental thought don't exist.
I'm not saying that I won't get through this but this is where I am at the moment and sometimes bypassing just isn't the answer. Sometimes I have to feel it in order to understand myself more, to understand what else I have to do to shrink the window of dark interludes. It's definitely a sucky feeling and while I prefer to ignore it, I know what not acknowledging my emotions can due to me as a whole. On a brighter note, it is an exemplary display of how multi expressional we are. It shows the array of colors we have as humans. Our emotions is a natural and pertinent part of who we are.
It took me a long time to find balance in my emotions and get to know them. I found that bypassing only hurts me and letting them rip at the seams doesn't define its reasoning. I learned more about what vulnerability is and how nurturing yourself and giving yourself permission to feel adds to knowing who you are. You can swim and flow when you dive into learning your own energy. Feeling lets me know that I am human, that I am living, and that I am continuously healing the self that needed to be honored and cherished for a very long time.
"Know thyself and thyself will give you the information needed to perpel you forward."
Thanks for taking this time to hold space with me.💙
Comentarios