*This article is from my former blog House of AASH. Considering that we talk about homelessness and mental and emotional wellness I wanted to be sure I shared some valuable information here on S. Nicole. Please take what resonates and leave the rest.
Feeling, Healing, and Understanding Our Emotional Design
Our emotional design varies from person to person; however, we all share a common theme: our first significant emotional interactions as children. As we grow older, these childhood emotional experiences amplify with each subsequent encounter, building upon the initial experiences. For example, if we felt unworthy as children, we might constantly try to prove our worth as adults. We might beg for attention and affection if we felt unseen or unheard. Similarly, if we experienced neglect or points of mistrust then trusting others may be challenging. If we learned to suppress our emotions, opening up and being vulnerable could be difficult.
Each interaction adds another layer to our initial childhood experiences, creating what Steven He humorously calls "emotional damage" or layers of emotional stones.
The same principle applies to positive experiences. If we felt seen and heard, we exuded confidence. If we felt cared for, we now know how to nurture. If we were allowed to express our emotions, we understand vulnerability and how to articulate our feelings.
Through my personal journey, I’ve realized the importance of understanding our emotional design. This sets the stage for our overall wellness, guides our way of life, and shapes our interpersonal relationships. Without awareness of our emotions, we may accumulate layers of emotional damage.
Feeling Our Emotions
Feeling our emotions is not always an easy venture but, it is helpful for healing and growth. So how do we go about feeling our emotions? How do we honor each emotion that arises with validity, honesty, and understanding?
The first step is pausing. When we pause, we create space for the intricacies of our emotions to unfold naturally. It's a time to let the emotions flow without suppression or control, allowing them room to breathe.
Expressing ourselves is another important aspect. By describing how we feel, we release any stored energies from the initial point of activation or past experiences. A helpful beginning point is using "I feel" as a prompt for activating emotional flow. This intentional guidance system helps us differentiate between expressing and simply reacting. After stating how we feel, we can begin understanding why we feel the way we do, often unraveling the threads of past interactions. It's important to note that sometimes our current emotions may not be directly linked to a previous experience, so try not to weigh heavily on that aspect.
Healing Our Emotional Design
Healing our primed emotional design is not easy. It's important to acknowledge that emotional healing is not a linear process, nor is it filled with rainbows and puppies. Along the way, you may experience triggers, frustration, annoyance, and even moments of defeat. But don't give up, as there is wonderment in this process.
So, how do we begin the healing process?
Emotional healing starts by breaking down how we feel and working backward, to some extent. Let me share a personal example: For a while, I was afraid to be vulnerable and share my feelings, so I became quiet and reserved. But why did I resort to shrinking? What benefit did it bring, and was it healthy and beneficial?
These are the types of questions I ask when encountering emotional roadblocks. They initiate a series of introspection and provide possible answers to understand the root of emotional reactions. This process aligns with our innate human need for clarity and resolution.
In connection with the mentioned example, it was a realization that during childhood and adolescence, I faced emotional dismissal, shame, and teasing when expressing vulnerability. These experiences left emotional scars that resulted in me shrinking and closing off, seeking isolation to protect myself from further emotional and psychological damage.
Transforming this ingrained reaction into a healthier outlet and healing modality required identifying the cause of heavy emotions and finding gentle and diligent ways to cope with familiar triggers. In my case, I had to understand and recognize that feeling things deeply is a gift, not a curse. I came to terms with the fact that feeling is not something to be ashamed of. Moreover, I realized that the reactions to my emotions from my guardians and peers were often a reflection of their own experiences. Can you say generational repetition?
Healing specific emotional triggers takes time and practice, so be patient with yourself. We didn't adopt these reactions overnight. They served us in coping with our surroundings during that time, and that was valid. However, they no longer serve us now, and it's time to embrace healthier ways to manage, heal, and grow. Throughout your emotional healing journey, take deep breaths and keep going, one tear, one scream, and one step at a time.
Much love, Readers!
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