Embracing the Phoenix Within

Rising above Manipulation, Rediscovering Identity, and Nurturing Authenticity for a Fulfilling Midlife Journey

Embrace Authenticity

One of the coolest things about navigating away from the indoctrinated "normalcy" is that you get a better scope of view on things. This is not to say that I know everything there is to know, but a nice portion of society has a cyclical tell.

Growing up I faced a lot of emotional manipulation, chess maneuvering, and criticism for being myself which forced me to walk around with a hazy facade. My people-pleasing energy in order to feel accepted and wanted, and to minimize any disruption in my life, caused more problems than one should house. Anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and other ailments were the direct result of this way of being. It also created more external problems; being surrounded and attracting manipulators, narcissists, users, abusers, and people who also walked around in a haze.

I didn't know how to manage my emotions which always resulted in shutting them down, masking, or running away. The longer I tried to avoid what was troubling me the more it ricocheted. Each time I left myself in order to please others or talk myself into thinking that my emotions and needs didn't matter was another blow to my soul and my wellness.

Living like this became more burdensome than simply being honest and forthcoming. My pent-up emotions then turned into lashouts, miscommunications, and assumptions. It was a never-ending cycle of torment and aggression that mainly fell on me. Eventually, I had to find my balance and with that, it required rolling back the hands of time. It was inevitable so I dove into understanding my upbringing, the behaviors I adopted, core beliefs, and traumas, and ultimately got to know the person underneath the rubble.

Getting to know myself was the biggest discovery and flex of them all! Once I did this, I began to see clearly, crystal clear. I wanted to know more, experience more, and further know the depths of my being. I gained clarity on my emotions and tapped into my awareness and ability to see things from multiple perspectives. This helped me to uncover the root causes of so many things within my life and it opened up an alternative view of other people. With this, I can articulate how I feel about things, stand firm in my convictions, and not get so hung up on what people think about me or the way I choose to navigate.

Believe me, it was not easy to get to this mindset; it was not easy to release what I thought was "normal" and stand in my own unicorn-ness. It took time to remove the debris and clouds of other people's expectations and pains. This inner work is not a bed of roses, and if you know, you know. Inner work is a choice and some people are too afraid to make that choice or take that leap and that's okay. However, I choose to continue pushing forward on this journey and I've already accepted what comes along with the ride.

It may not be plausible for some but I know it inspires and helps others who choose to take the next step for overall personal wellness. With that, it gives me even more pleasure and strength to keep going.

Until next time readers!